How I Transformed from a Difficult Entrepreneur to a Better Leader
Written on
Chapter 1: The Realization of My Past Behavior
I used to be quite unpleasant. Not in a playful or endearing way, but in a manner that made people leave gatherings and resign from jobs. I was the type of person no one wanted to be around, work with, or even consider a friend. It's not a joke; I was genuinely hard to be around for many years.
Surprisingly, I wore my unpleasantness like a badge of pride. I would often boast that half the people I met disliked me instantly, and I would try to forge friendships or partnerships from the remaining few. Those are some pretty poor odds to live by.
Being an entrepreneur is inherently contradictory. Your role demands optimism, the ability to create something from scratch, and the capacity to sell a vision that encourages others to join you in realizing it. Additionally, you must extract the best from those around you, aim for excellence, and navigate the constant pressures of competition and potential failure. It's a combative path filled with ego battles, setbacks, and the possibility of great success if you manage countless variables correctly.
Entrepreneurs are in a constant state of competition—not just with their rivals, but also with themselves, their colleagues, and even their families.
There are countless accounts—books, shows, podcasts, and films—of notorious entrepreneurial figures who shaped our world through their relentless pursuit of perfection. One example that stands out is Steve Jobs, known for his demanding personality and high standards. When I read Walter Isaacson's biography of Jobs in 2011, I only became more difficult to be around, missing the crucial lesson that Jobs eventually learned: the importance of being less of an asshole to achieve true success and fulfillment. Instead, I continued treating my colleagues, friends, and family as mere tools in my quest to create a world-changing company.
Ultimately, I didn't change the world, nor did my business.
Chapter 2: Recognizing the Need for Change
My unpleasant demeanor extended beyond work. During my twenties, I'd dominate conversations at social gatherings, steering discussions toward topics I was well-versed in to appear superior. Reflecting on this now, I feel embarrassed and wonder how I kept any friends. In therapy, I realized that my increasingly controlling nature pushed my friends away, leading them to leave quietly one by one.
A significant shift occurred when I found myself driving to the hospital in the middle of the night, suffering from burnout and a stomach ulcer. I was utterly alone; my partner was far away, and I didn't have close friends to rely on. It was a wake-up call.
Over the following years, I began to pull myself out of this downward spiral.
Section 2.1: Seeking Professional Help
You might think you can self-analyze or heal, but that’s not the case. Just as you would hire a personal trainer for physical fitness, you need a mental coach for your emotional well-being. If you're aiming to be the best entrepreneur you can be, you must seek perspective and guidance. Why not use every available resource to improve your mental health, resilience, and overall perspective?
I initially resisted professional help, but when I finally found a psychologist, it changed my life.
Section 2.2: The Power of Listening
I learned to derive strength from listening rather than talking. This was a challenging transformation for me. I recalled my grandfather's wisdom: we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. By listening more, I discovered invaluable insights across all aspects of life, from personal interactions to business meetings.
Section 2.3: Understanding Perspectives
While I often held strong opinions due to extensive reading, I realized that my views were not necessarily the only valid ones. To truly understand others, I had to listen actively to their perspectives. This shift in mindset allowed me to challenge my own beliefs and grow.
Section 2.4: Redefining Winning
I recognized that my perspective, while valid for me, wasn't necessarily the universal truth. Debating isn’t always about winning; sometimes, conversations should be exchanges of ideas rather than battles. It’s essential to express your views and then move on, allowing for growth and collaboration.
Chapter 3: Establishing Personal Values
As I transitioned from my difficult past, I began to codify what I now refer to as my "Nicisms." These personal values emerged from moments that shifted my perspective and now guide my decisions. They serve to ease the burden of decision-making and shape my interactions with others. Here are a few examples of my Nicisms:
- There is nothing after this.
- Learn the rules but disregard them when necessary.
- Strive for honesty whenever possible.
- Take action, but know when to pause.
- Practice patience.
- Trust others until given a reason not to.
- Embrace humility and let go of ego.
- Be willing to change your mind.
Section 3.1: The Art of Apologizing
I’ve always despised losing and being wrong. Apologizing felt like admitting defeat. This mindset affected my relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. However, during a disagreement with my partner, she reminded me, “We’re on the same team.”
That realization was transformative. I learned that apologizing is a strength, not a weakness. It fostered a supportive environment where everyone felt valued, and it allowed me to let go of my ego. Sometimes, losing an argument can be a form of winning if it contributes to the greater good of the team.
Being an unpleasant entrepreneur held me back, and it might be doing the same for you. The idea that only difficult people succeed is a myth. I know many kind, successful individuals, and I aspire to be one of them. This is the beginning of my journey.
If you suspect you might be a difficult entrepreneur, I encourage you to reach out. I coach high-impact entrepreneurs seeking healthier ways to build their businesses and lead fulfilling lives. Integration is key to success, not balance.