Overcoming the Paralyzing Fear of Success: A Journey
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Understanding the Fear of Success
For several years, I've felt trapped, simply surviving rather than thriving.
Photo by Jaqueline Fritz on Unsplash
This feeling hit me hard the morning after the Rams triumphed over the Bengals in the Super Bowl. Instead of focusing on my business, I found myself absorbed in sports news. Sure, I was responding to my clients, but I wasn’t taking proactive steps to secure my future or make significant progress toward retirement.
Why does success terrify me?
In essence, failure feels easy—it’s merely a matter of giving up. It's simple to stop trying; failure is always waiting to welcome you back. In contrast, achieving success demands relentless effort, and there’s always someone more talented, younger, or wealthier lurking, ready to take your place. The thought of having to repeat this exhausting cycle every day is daunting, especially for someone like me who battles cPTSD daily.
A Brief Background
I embarked on my entrepreneurial journey in 2003, during a recession, and I've weathered two more since then. Along the way, I've been fortunate to connect with individuals who guided me toward success.
Around 2014 or 2015, my business was struggling severely. My old house was falling apart, with leaks in three different areas of the roof. I received quotes for repairs, but the costs were overwhelming. Faced with the choice of replacing the roof or paying my mortgage (my home being modest by many standards), I chose to replace it, leaving me with only $66 in my bank account. This decision meant falling behind on my mortgage and scrambling to make up the shortfall with a failing business.
A Life-Changing Encounter
Fortunately, during this tumultuous time, I met someone who significantly impacted my life—both personally and professionally. He introduced me to a marketing firm in Nashville that specializes in promoting businesses like mine. His guidance transformed my business’s trajectory, and I am eternally grateful for his support. Over the years, we have developed a strong friendship.
Glimmers of Success
Since joining this new organization, I’ve managed to revitalize my business and achieve a comfortable lifestyle. I have set the groundwork to elevate my business even further, inching closer to success by any measure.
The Struggle with Self-Sabotage
Despite these improvements, I find myself grappling with fear and self-sabotage. While fear of failure is common and understandable, my fear of success looms larger. It means I must consistently "show up," confronting my deepest insecurities: the belief that I am not good enough and that I am a fraud.
Even with glowing client reviews, I fixate on the possibility of one mistake leading to catastrophic consequences—a lawsuit or a loss of reputation, which I’ve worked tirelessly to build.
Distractions and Realizations
As I sit here watching sports news and writing this blog post, I realize I’m avoiding my business responsibilities. When I mute the TV, the fear surfaces. I worry that I’ve exhausted all options and must simply do the work, yet I feel paralyzed by anxiety.
Examining My Boundaries
This may stem from my upbringing, where I learned little about boundaries while being raised by a grandiose narcissist. I was taught that nothing I did was ever sufficient.
Yes, I grapple with a crippling fear of success, but I am aware of it. Recognizing this may be the first step toward overcoming it and feeling capable of facing the challenges ahead.
Documenting these experiences is challenging, yet it is therapeutic. I hope my story resonates with others who feel lost. If you value mental health awareness, I encourage you to follow my journey and show support. Thank you!
Chapter 2: Facing the Fear of Success
This video discusses strategies to manage the fear of success and how to navigate the feelings that accompany this challenge.
In this video, the impact of fear of success on personal life is explored, shedding light on common signs and ways to address them.