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Essential Marriage Vows You Might Never Hear at Weddings

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Reflecting on Love After 30 Years

Last year, my wife and I marked three decades of marriage. We revisited New Orleans, the city where we began our journey as a married couple. Our trip mirrored our original path from Dallas to Galveston, crossing the ferry at Port Bolivar, and then heading east on I-10 to New Orleans. It was truly a memorable experience.

Priscilla reminisced about many details from our initial adventure (she has a remarkable memory), while I took the time to contemplate the journey we've shared over thirty years. I've come to realize that my love for her has deepened significantly since that wedding day; it has evolved into something richer and more enduring.

The Importance of Unspoken Vows

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, NIV).

During our second honeymoon, I reflected on the vows we exchanged three decades ago and recognized that they didn’t fully encompass the love that has blossomed since. This prompted me to write down five vows that are seldom spoken at weddings but should definitely be considered.

  1. I vow to love you for who you are today, rather than who I wish you to be.

    “… love is patient …” (1 Cor. 13:4a, NIV).

    True love does not impose demands that a person cannot meet right now; it waits patiently until they are ready.

Loving each other as we grow
  1. I promise that you will not bear the burden of my happiness.

    “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:13, NIV).

    While my wife often brings joy to my life, it is crucial to understand that my happiness is ultimately my own responsibility. The ones we love most can also hurt us the most. Therefore, my happiness should be anchored in something greater than another person to avoid emotional turbulence.

  2. I vow to communicate my expectations clearly.

    “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw

    My spouse cannot read my mind, nor can she meet a need that remains unexpressed.

  3. I promise to support you in your dreams and aspirations, helping you become the person God intended you to be.

    “… love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (I Cor. 13:4b-5, NIV).

    Have I always been there for my wife throughout our marriage? Not every single day. While I have never wished her harm, there have been times when hurt or anger clouded my ability to encourage her. To foster growth in your marriage, it’s essential to be supportive, even during challenging times. Here are a few suggestions:

    • Pray for your partner.
    • Acknowledge your spouse’s strengths and talents.
    • Focus on the positive qualities of your partner instead of the negatives.
    • Assist your spouse in pursuing their dreams and aspirations.
    • Create a safe environment for tough conversations and questions.
Supporting each other in dreams
  1. I promise to maintain hope for a brighter future, no matter our current circumstances.

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11, NIV).

    When my wife was just 12, she lost her mother. At the funeral, she received Jeremiah 29:11, which has since become her life verse. In many ways, it has also turned into our “marriage verse.” This verse served as a reminder to the Jewish exiles that, regardless of how dire their situation appeared, God was always working to create a better future. This hope is one of the greatest gifts you can nurture in your marriage!

Chapter 2: Video Insights

To further explore these themes, watch this insightful video featuring Serena Pitt discussing an essential aspect of marriage vows.

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