Recognizing the Evening Struggles

After I decided to stop drinking, I quickly realized that evenings became the toughest part of my day. For many years, I had been a nightly drinker, and like numerous “high-functioning” alcoholics, I managed to keep my drinking confined to the night. I could navigate my workdays without alcohol but would always pick up a pack of beer on my way home, ensuring I was intoxicated by bedtime.

In the initial weeks of sobriety, the daylight hours were manageable. I wasn't accustomed to consuming alcohol during those times, and work provided a useful distraction. However, as I approached home each evening, thoughts of drinking began to flood my mind. It took immense effort to resist stopping at the store for beer.

During those first sober nights, I often found myself sitting in silence, preoccupied with thoughts of alcohol. Despite attempts to watch TV, my cravings distracted me so much that I could barely follow the simplest plots. A few activities, like reading, cooking, and cleaning, helped momentarily, yet I struggled to find sufficient distractions to occupy my time.

As the night wore on, my cravings intensified. The closer it got to the grocery store's closing time, the more I questioned my commitment to sobriety. I would anxiously watch the clock, calculating if I still had enough time to make a purchase.

With closing time approaching, fears crept in about regretting not buying alcohol. I questioned whether I might change my mind about sobriety once the store was closed. Sometimes, I even rationalized that having a six-pack on hand "just in case" might be wise—not to drink, but to avoid potential regret.

Hopefully, these thoughts resonate as absurd to you as they do to me now. It’s hard to believe I allowed myself to be deceived in such a manner. My concerns about the grocery store closing were simply a means of self-sabotage, seeking an excuse to buy beer.

In hindsight, I should have appreciated that the store was closing. It would have been simpler to maintain sobriety without easy access to alcohol. Yet, I twisted it into a reason for panic, doubting my resolve night after night.

The most crucial lesson I learned about addiction is how effortlessly one can talk oneself into a relapse. No matter how devoted I felt to my sobriety or how much alcohol had hurt my life, I could always conjure a justification for drinking.

My reasoning was never sound, but it felt valid at the moment. When I insisted I needed to buy beer "just in case," I was blind to the jeopardy I posed to my sobriety.

Another recurring thought was, “I deserve a day off from sobriety.” I would convince myself that remaining sober was too arduous and I needed a break. I imagined that after a night of drinking, returning to sobriety would feel easier.

However, I knew from experience that I couldn’t simply drink for one night. A single slip would lead to another, delaying my return to sobriety. Each time I tried again, it became increasingly difficult.

Despite the irrationality of these thoughts, they were compelling to my newly sober mind. Negative thoughts pervaded my day:

“I lack the strength for lasting sobriety, so I might as well give up.”

“This week isn’t ideal for sobriety; I should return to drinking.”

“I only struggle with beer—wine should be fine.”

What can be done when such intrusive thoughts jeopardize your sobriety?

Let’s discuss what not to do. Based on my experience, engaging in self-debate was the worst response. My instinct was to reason my way out of the cravings. I saw myself as a logical person, convinced I could talk myself out of a relapse.

The reality was that my addiction clouded my judgment. I thought I was being rational, but I was merely being driven by my alcoholism. Whenever I began to debate with myself, I invariably lost. It was an uneven match, as I was subconsciously searching for a reason to relapse.

Instead, I learned to circumvent these debates entirely. Whenever thoughts of drinking emerged, I would immediately shut them down, refusing to engage in internal discussions. Sometimes, I would distract myself with another thought or activity.

At other times, I would reach out to friends or fellow recovering individuals for support. I remain astounded by how effective a simple phone call can be during desperate moments. When the urge to buy alcohol was overwhelming, talking to someone else could shift my focus.

What about those seemingly rational self-sabotaging thoughts? Once I voiced them, their absurdity became evident.

Years have passed since I quit drinking, and I'm grateful that my thoughts surrounding my alcoholism have cleared with time. I no longer attempt to persuade myself to drink and have instead found joy in sobriety.

To reach this state, I had to stop dwelling so much in my mind. There was no winning a debate against my addiction; I had to learn to stop allowing such internal discussions to take root.

Consider further insights through the following video.

In this video titled "What To Do After a Relapse: 5 Steps to Help You Get Back on Track and Sober," you'll find practical strategies for regaining control after a setback.

Understanding the Importance of Relapse Prevention

The challenge of preventing relapse requires awareness of early warning signs and effective coping strategies.

To delve deeper, watch this video that covers key insights on maintaining sobriety.

In "Relapse Prevention: Early Warning Signs and Important Coping Skills," you'll learn how to identify triggers and develop skills to maintain your recovery journey.

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