Chapter 1: The Nature of Commitment Fear

In an effort to unravel the complex fear of commitment—often termed “gamophobia”—that many from my generation (Y/Z) experience, I set out on a quest for understanding.

When we examine this issue closely, we find parallels between commitment fear and claustrophobia.

Section 1.1: The Concept of Psychological Claustrophobia

The idea of commitment fear can be likened to psychological claustrophobia. What does this entail? Claustrophobia is fundamentally a fear of confined spaces. Delving deeper reveals it to be a fear of insufficient space, which translates to a fear of being immobilized.

Why might someone feel the need to escape? The motivations can vary:

• A desire to flee from fear.
• An urge to escape from pain.
• A longing to break free from an unbearable situation.

The impetus for this movement typically stems from one of two beliefs:

1. "This place no longer serves me. Hence, I must leave."
2. "Something better awaits. Therefore, I will depart."

This necessity to move often relates to the relief from some form of distress (I write this in a cozy bean bag, stuck for hours without discomfort). If claustrophobia signifies a fear of enduring pain due to enforced immobility, then commitment can be viewed as a psychological (and perhaps physical) form of that constraint. In essence, claustrophobia represents the physical realm, while the fear of commitment embodies the psychological.

Section 1.2: The Pain of Commitment

This leads us to a critical question: Why is commitment perceived as painful?

Who Embraces Commitment?

Commitment is indeed a nuanced concept. Its interpretation varies significantly depending on one’s mindset—specifically, whether one has an abundance or scarcity mentality.

Those with a scarcity mindset view commitment favorably. They perceive limited opportunities in life, so when they find something worthwhile, they readily commit to it. For instance:

• A dedicated job commitment guarantees monthly earnings and potential advancements.
• A commitment to a partner ensures companionship.

Individuals who bond with pets often overlook the daily responsibilities involved, focusing instead on the joy of having a loyal friend greet them at the door. Why would anyone fear such connections?

Who Shies Away from Commitment?

Conversely, those possessing an abundance mindset tend to view commitment negatively. They question why they should restrict themselves to something when they could always find it again.

For instance, committing to a partner means forfeiting the chance to date others. Those who fear commitment often focus on losses rather than gains:

• The freedom to disengage when they grow weary of a situation.
• The liberty to pursue new opportunities if something more appealing arises.

Both perspectives share a common root: the apprehension of the inevitable pain that commitment can bring.

Section 1.3: The Fear of Being Trapped

Most individuals find comfort in their routines. They wake up at the same hour, enjoy the same breakfast, and follow familiar patterns. This was the norm until the 2000s when choices proliferated, complicating lives.

Psychologist Barry Schwartz, in his book The Paradox of Choice, illustrates how increased options can lead to unhappiness due to:

• A focus on what was not chosen, resulting in feelings of loss.
• The inherent tension between choice and commitment, which allows for the path of least resistance.

I firmly believe that commitment resembles weight training; it requires practice to strengthen one's ability to commit. The influx of choices, coupled with the allure of instant gratification, has weakened our ability to commit.

Those of us, like myself, who fear commitment have endured experiences devoid of exit strategies, resulting in significant trauma. We become terrified of the psychological equivalent of being confined in a room without any escape route.

Section 1.4: The Allure of Alternatives

The second reason for the fear of commitment mirrors the first. Many who shy away from commitment display perfectionist tendencies and extreme FOMO (fear of missing out). They seek the best while fearing to settle for less.

The mere thought of committing to something when a potentially better option exists can be paralyzing. Rather than appreciating their present situation, they fixate on what they might lose. This fear of not having the best intensifies their avoidance of commitment.

Conclusion: Navigating the Commitment Fear

Ultimately, the fear of commitment stems from the anticipation of unavoidable pain that accompanies any commitment. Those who fear this binding often find themselves weakened by a society that offers endless choices, allowing them to avoid the necessary challenges that foster personal growth and resilience.

While I wish I had a foolproof solution to this dilemma, my understanding is rooted in personal experience. However, I believe that taking small, deliberate steps toward confronting this fear can gradually alleviate it.

For further insights and articles, visit auresnotes.com.

The first video, Why Humans Fear Commitment | Mark Groves, delves into the psychological mechanisms underlying commitment fears and offers strategies for overcoming them.

The second video, Fear of Commitment Explained Simply, breaks down the reasons behind this widespread issue in an accessible manner, providing viewers with a clearer understanding of commitment anxiety.