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Reimagining My Journey Through Depression with Bullet Journaling

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Understanding Depression

Depression takes on various forms, uniquely impacting each individual. For me, my journey began with bullet journaling—a tool that eventually became my lifeline.

The Discovery of Bullet Journaling

Organization has always been integral to my existence. When my thoughts felt chaotic, I approached my mind as if it were a cluttered desk, systematically putting away what I didn't need to clear space for contemplation.

With a memory that often felt overloaded, I treated my mind like a filing cabinet. However, when I started forgetting details and emerged from conversations feeling blank, I realized my mental capacity was strained.

Our brains aren’t designed to function as digital devices, leading me to invest in a notebook as a remedy. Initially, I compiled straightforward task lists. However, upon discovering beautifully crafted bullet journal spreads through videos, I felt inspired to dive deeper. In 2021, I embarked on my bullet journaling journey, using a dotted notebook gifted to me by my mother.

Fueled by creativity, I took calligraphy classes and designed various spreads for tracking habits, monthly calendars, reading lists, and weekly layouts. I even crafted quote art and themed pages based on my interests.

Creative Bullet Journal Spread Inspired by La La Land

As my schedule became increasingly hectic, I found myself leaving the monthly covers blank, waiting for the inspiration to decorate them—a moment that never materialized. Perfectionism began to take hold, spurred by the aesthetically pleasing "Plan with Me" videos I watched. I struggled to achieve the same level of beauty in my own spreads. The idea that if my pages weren't visually appealing, they weren't worth my affection stifled my creativity.

However, my reality was anything but aesthetic, and this became glaringly evident. Last year, I entered survival mode, trying to piece together my life after it felt shattered. The emptiness was palpable, reflected in the blank spaces of my bullet journal. Even my watchlist was empty, as guilt held me back from indulging in distractions.

With no daily tasks to complete, my mind felt fragmented, and my workspace became a chaotic mix of mail, sticky notes, and unread books. Time felt like an adversary, and without structure, my mental well-being deteriorated. I craved a fresh start. What better way to achieve that than by returning to the core of bullet journaling?

The Importance of Bullet Journaling

While researching, I stumbled upon a compelling article about the inventor of the bullet journal, Ryder Carroll. One particular quote resonated with me: "The Bullet Journal Method’s mission is to help us become mindful about how we spend our two most valuable resources in life; our time and energy."

Reflecting on my journey, I realized I had devoted excessive time and energy to making my spreads look appealing, neglecting the fundamental question: Is my bullet journal serving its purpose? I often struggled with my habit tracker—was it due to a lack of time, or were the habits I was tracking irrelevant?

Intrigued, I picked up Ryder Carroll’s book, "The Bullet Journal Method," eager to learn more. To my surprise, I found that the essence of bullet journaling was more about self-reflection than mere aesthetics. Carroll emphasizes that "Each bullet journal reflects the unique needs of its user at that moment in time."

Your bullet journal serves as an extension of yourself—a tangible record that allows you to reflect on the journey of your life as you compile volumes year after year. It can be as adaptable as life itself. While there are foundational elements like daily and monthly logs, you can create additional spreads that represent your current experiences.

"Your Bullet Journal notebook welcomes any part of you that you’re willing to share. One moment, you’re planning your week; the next, sketching out a room layout or penning a poem."

My bullet journal mirrored my state of mind—forgetful, lost, and devoid of energy. Those blank pages were a testament to days I hesitated to engage in activities, believing they wouldn't be a productive use of my time. Yet, those moments could have significantly enhanced my mental health. I was exhausted from feeling vacant.

Rediscovering Bullet Journaling

With this newfound perspective, I reopened my bullet journal, ready to embrace the straightforward, minimalist system Carroll had designed. I began by mentally cataloging the tasks I wanted to accomplish.

Even if my month seemed devoid of daily responsibilities, I would fill it with activities I wanted to explore, such as reading or picking up a new hobby. In the future, I hope to incorporate journaling prompts to help articulate my thoughts instead of relying solely on mood tracking. For now, I plan to maintain a daily log to ease back into the practice.

Daily Log Page from My Bullet Journal

Regardless of how gloomy my days may seem, I aim to fill those pages with my imperfections. Instead of getting bogged down by societal standards of aesthetics, I seek to embrace the space around my words.

For anyone new to bullet journaling or those who have lost motivation, here are some tips to help you reconnect:

  1. Prioritize Functionality over Aesthetics: Determine what you need from your bullet journal. Is it a space for your deepest thoughts? A platform for brainstorming projects? Let it serve you.
  2. Use Trackers that Matter: Experiment with various trackers, discarding those that don't resonate with you. Personalize your journal to fit your needs. If you're inclined toward digital solutions, Notion can serve as an excellent companion to your bullet journaling journey.
  3. Take Your Time: Remember, your bullet journal is a companion in your life, not a strict schedule. Allow yourself the space to navigate through it. Use it to clear your mind whenever you need a break.
  4. Embrace Imperfection: Your journal is for your eyes only. It shouldn't be a reflection of social media standards. Life is inherently messy, and we need those mistakes to create something meaningful.

Ultimately, make your bullet journal a representation of your joy. That’s my goal as I continue my journey.

Thank you for joining me! If you choose to purchase the book through my affiliate link, I may earn a commission from Bookshop.org, which supports independent bookstores.

Chapter 2: Insights from the Experts

In the video "Depression — Ep. 113 of Intentionally Blank," the hosts delve into the nuances of depression, sharing personal anecdotes and insights that resonate deeply with those experiencing similar feelings.

In "[Mental Wealth] The Better Blank: How to Outthink Your Depression," the discussion focuses on strategies to combat negative thoughts and cultivate mental resilience, providing practical tips for viewers seeking relief from their struggles.

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