Chapter 1: Understanding Neurodivergence

Raising children is a complex adventure, filled with unexpected insights, especially when parenting a neurodivergent child. My eight-year-old son, diagnosed with level 2 Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), has been a remarkable guide in this journey. His distinct viewpoint has fundamentally altered my approach to parenting, enhancing my empathy and patience—not only towards him but also towards those around me.

It's crucial to recognize that children with autism often process language differently than neurotypical children. ASD is a developmental condition that impacts communication and behavior, with symptoms varying widely among individuals.

For my son, I learned through experience that conventional parenting techniques frequently fall short. When he feels overwhelmed, asking him to "calm down" is akin to requesting someone to pull down the stars.

I had always assumed that my words resonated with him in the same way they did with me. However, it became clear that my requests for him to calm down were often confusing.

"Can you please calm down?" I uttered this phrase countless times, only to be met with his growing distress and vacant expressions. This cycle was frustrating and painful for both of us.

One day, in a moment of heartfelt connection, I embraced him tightly, dried his tears, and repeated my request. In that instant, the hug conveyed emotions that words could not. He paused, looked me in the eye, and said, "I want to calm down, but I don’t know how to calm down, Daddy."

This moment was a mix of guilt and relief, as I finally understood that my words had been lost on him.

Since then, he has taken on the role of my teacher, guiding me through the nuances of emotional expression and its signs. For instance, when he wants to refuse something, he spells out "N" and "O," using his hands to create a multiplication sign to signify stop.

Together, we are crafting a unique language of emotions and signs that belongs solely to us. I have realized that for many children with ASD, emotions are abstract notions that require tangible explanations.

As someone who prides themselves on being multilingual, I thought I excelled in communication, but my son has taught me otherwise. I believed I was already empathetic, but I am now working harder to truly understand.

Perhaps the most significant lesson he has imparted is the essence of genuine empathy. His challenges have heightened my awareness of the unseen difficulties that others may face.

My son has expanded my capacity for empathy. It’s easy to judge behaviors we don’t comprehend, but he has illustrated the importance of looking deeper and extending compassion—something I thought I had already mastered.

While there may not be a definitive resolution to our story, we are both equipped—if not fully ready—to tackle the challenges ahead. Our journey continues, fraught with obstacles, but together, we are learning to navigate this intricate world one step at a time.

Each day, my son imparts valuable lessons about patience, resilience, and the power of unconditional love. Although we may not always know how to calm down, we are discovering methods and strategies that assist both him and me.

Every child, regardless of being neurodivergent, follows a unique path. With love, patience, and understanding, we can help guide them along the way.

I’m always open to discussions about invisible illnesses, the challenges of parenting neurodivergent children, or simply to lend a listening ear. Don’t hesitate to reach out—let’s connect.

With love and Chai,

Salam.

Chapter 2: The Power of Emotional Language

In the following video, "Trees In Toronto - Please Calm Down (Official Music Video)," we explore themes of emotional expression and the importance of calming techniques.

Additionally, the remix "Eminem, Selena Gomez - Please, Calm Down (ft. Willow) DJ Møkdust Remix 2023" dives into the essence of managing emotions amidst chaos, reinforcing the need for understanding and patience.