Chapter 1: Understanding Limiting Environments

Choosing your battles is essential, as everything that commands your focus also drains your energy.

During my high school years in India, I frequently heard a saying from my family:

“A dedicated student can excel anywhere, regardless of their surroundings.” They believed that one should not complain about their environment but instead focus on their studies. My uncle often asserted, “If you truly want to succeed, you’ll flourish anywhere.”

In response, I wish I could have said, “Try jogging without a mask during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic.” Regrettably, he has passed, but his misguided advice lingers in my thoughts, prompting me to write this piece as a means of release.

It seems many Indian families fail to grasp this concept. They project their own restrictive upbringing onto their children. Initially, they inquire if there are any issues and how they can assist. However, when a child hints that their surroundings are problematic, they respond with dismissive comments. This seems akin to gaslighting.

While my family’s love is undeniable, discussing my challenges with them often exacerbated my issues.

1. The Weight of Family Expectations

At 17, I found myself amidst a family discussion about my future—an absurd gathering where everyone felt entitled to weigh in on my capabilities, despite their absence in my athletic endeavors. By then, I had competed nationally in table tennis and badminton and captained my school’s cricket team twice. I craved acknowledgment, yearning for them to witness my achievements.

Indian middle-class families often impose their limiting beliefs on their children, stifling their potential. Many young people flourish once they distance themselves from family pressures.

“We should celebrate our children’s autonomy and growth, rather than instilling doubt.”

A mentor or parent’s role is to help their child navigate decisions, not to dictate them. My family debated my college options, with differing opinions causing confusion. The outcome? My uncle’s family believed I should pursue a less challenging degree, while my father insisted I become an engineer, regardless of my actual interests.

Hearing these discussions was painful, and 16 years later, the memories remain vivid. Poor parenting manifests when families project their aspirations onto their children, ignoring their individuality.

I want to convey to my father and uncle (may they rest in peace) that I am my own person. I will forge my path, make my mistakes, and explore the world on my terms.

This cycle of poor decision-making in the name of tradition stops now.

2. When Love Becomes a Constraint

I had a friend whose parents insisted he move away to prepare for a challenging engineering exam. Shortly after relocating, he returned home, saying he couldn’t bear to be without his mother. Their bond was strong, but it highlighted a pattern I observed in my family.

My aspirations for table tennis improvement led me to seek a summer camp, but my father’s fears about my well-being prevented me from attending, despite having all the necessary information. His love translated into control, which ultimately stifled my growth.

“Sometimes, we inadvertently suffocate others, convincing ourselves it’s out of love.”

For instance, the subpar meals prepared at home, intended with love, only became evident when someone fell ill.

3. The Pursuit of Money and Stability

Growing up in a middle-class Indian household, I frequently heard, “Money doesn’t grow on trees. You must work hard to earn it.” This belief can be incredibly limiting, often instilling a fear of risk.

Our generation cannot entirely blame our parents; after independence, many relied on stable jobs to survive. However, times have changed. Today, fulfillment often comes from pursuing passions alongside financial stability.

“We can cultivate wealth if we learn to plant the right seeds.”

As Robert Kiyosaki points out, children from affluent families are often raised with a healthier perspective on money and risk, paving the way for greater wealth accumulation.

Recognizing that my choices define my life is liberating. How I perceive money is mine to decide.

Reflecting on these issues prompted me to realize that I often blamed others for my past experiences. I acknowledged that I might still be confined by the limitations imposed by my upbringing. Writing this article serves as a journal entry, reminding me that I possess the key to escape this self-imposed prison.

Many family members who participated in shaping my life choices have not checked in on me for years, and perhaps it’s best that way. Our paths diverge, and our desires differ significantly.

“We cannot choose our families, but we can choose those we surround ourselves with.”

I will carry these lessons forward, ensuring they do not burden the next generation. The family I create will differ from the one I was born into. While we may still face limiting beliefs, I am now aware of them and will actively work to eliminate them from our lives.

Until next time,

Ciao!

Chapter 2: The Search for Personal Freedom

In this video, Tony Robbins discusses regaining control during uncertain times, emphasizing the importance of taking charge of one's life and choices.

Chapter 3: Embracing Change for Growth

This video explores the necessity of changing your environment when feeling stagnant, illustrating how new settings can foster personal growth and clarity.