Embracing Life: Acceptance, Surrender, and Letting Go
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Chapter 1: Embracing Acceptance
Life presents us with numerous situations beyond our control—most likely, the majority of our experiences. As we navigate our journey, we come to realize that the universe doesn’t conform to our wishes. Wisdom traditions across cultures offer various interpretations of accepting and aligning ourselves with the realities of the world. Stoics recommend living in harmony with nature, while Taoists emphasize flowing with the rhythm of life. Spiritual practices frequently highlight concepts like acceptance, surrender, and letting go.
Reinhold Niebuhr, an American theologian, articulated a prayer that has become fundamental in recovery movements:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
This is widely recognized today as the Serenity Prayer. However, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus conveyed a similar message two millennia ago, emphasizing the distinction between what is within our control and what is not.
According to Epictetus, our judgment, motivation, desires, and aversions are ours to manage, while our bodies, property, reputations, and social standings are not.
David Richo, a seasoned psychotherapist and author, discusses in his work The Five Things We Cannot Change that there are five universal truths we all face:
- Everything is transient.
- Plans often go awry.
- Life isn’t always just.
- Pain is a part of existence.
- People can be unreliable.
Dr. Richo emphasizes that when we learn to accept and embrace these fundamental realities, we can cultivate courage, compassion, and wisdom—ultimately leading us to true happiness.
Section 1.1: The Nature of Surrender
What are your thoughts when you hear the term "surrender"? Does it resonate with the idea of embracing life?
Carl Jung, the renowned psychologist, suggested that “givens can be embraced with an unconditional yes to that which is, without subjective protests.” This acceptance involves recognizing our own nature as it is.
Dr. Richo explains that such a yes signifies a readiness to confront reality head-on, without any cushions to soften the experience. This perspective fosters adaptability, allowing us to engage fully with whatever life presents. Rather than a passive acceptance of circumstances, it represents a courageous alignment with reality.
Surrendering does not equate to defeat; instead, it signifies a conscious choice to mature. It involves acknowledging eternal truths, and the art of living requires us to align with these truths rather than resist them.
A poem by Hafiz, titled Tripping over Joy, beautifully encapsulates this notion:
What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move
That the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I Surrender!”
Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.
Section 1.2: The Power of Letting Go
Wisdom often reveals itself through paradoxes. An unconditional yes embraces life's contradictions. As Dr. Richo notes, “Although people are not always loving and loyal, nothing prevents us from acting with kindness and maintaining hope in others. No one can diminish another's capacity to love.”
Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor, reached a similar understanding in his reflections on dealing with difficult individuals. He recognized that:
And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel anger at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.
He advised against expecting a utopia—“Do not go around expecting Plato’s Republic”—meaning we should let go of the desire for perfection in our surroundings, be it in our partners, colleagues, or leaders. Opportunities for acceptance, surrender, and letting go abound.
Mindfulness embodies this practice in our daily lives. Dr. Richo states that “Mindfulness is an unconditional yes to what is, as it is.” It encourages us to confront our challenges in the present moment without blame or complaint. This yes is free from the distortions of the ego, such as fear, desire, and expectation. When we practice mindfulness, we approach each moment with openness, curiosity, and kindness.
In conclusion, Joseph Campbell, in his influential work A Hero with a Thousand Faces, reminds us that while we cannot eliminate the sorrows of the world, we can choose to embrace joy. The hero’s journey is about saying “yes” to life.
Thank you for taking the time to read this reflection; I hope you found it insightful.
— J.W. Bertolotti